Swipe Right


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If you’ve been reading my column at all, you know that I’ve been slowly working my way down a list of reader-proposed challenges. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to attempt the 10 challenges I promised to do, although it wasn’t for lack of trying. (I left school in the middle of the day to visit a petting zoo on the day I was scheduled to present my honors prospectus.)

However, I haven’t given up quite yet. The semester is far from over, and though I won’t be able to talk about them in great detail (at least, not in my column), I’m still going to attempt the remaining challenges. You can see the results on most of my social media by searching the tag #SwipeRightChallenges.

In the meantime, here are my experiences with the six challenges I did attempt.

1.) Run a 5k.

I think this is the one I was most pleasantly surprised by. I didn’t meet my fitness goals thanks to being sick the week immediately before the event, and I still wouldn’t consider myself a “runner” — but for the first time in my life, I challenged myself in athletics and I learned that, given a good thirty years or so, I could probably achieve something.

Check back with me in thirty years.

2.) Kiss a goat.

What did I learn from this challenge? Goats are the literal worst. I arrived when the petting zoo was closed and watched them from just behind the fence. One stared me right in the eyes, defecated and then wiped his mouth in the resulting defecation.

Needless to say, I did not complete this challenge and will be glaring at goats for some time to come.

3.) Spend five days eating nothing but Taco Bell.

This was one of the hardest things I’ve probably ever done, even though (as you may recall) I only lasted for one day. I haven’t eaten Taco Bell since. Even now, just thinking about it is sickening.

4.) Spend 24 hours on the Water Diet.

I chose the worst possible time to complete this challenge. Not only did I begin it at 2:30 a.m., but I began it at 2:30 a.m. the night before an annual awards banquet. Do you know how hard it is to sit at a table where you don’t know anyone and your only distraction from the painfully awkward silence is the delectable finger food you can’t have? Do you know how strange it is to watch someone chug water in that situation?

Now, I readily admit to being the only person in the world who genuinely enjoys the food at the Fresh, so when I met a friend there immediately following the banquet, that’s where I cracked. Thankfully (or not so thankfully), my friends would sooner see me die of starvation than lose a challenge, so in spite of my best efforts, I ended up making it to 2:30.

5.) Make a contouring tutorial.

I apologize to anyone who was forced to watch this mess, but it gave me a newfound appreciation for YouTube makeup artists and gay men. (My gay male friends were the only one who actually enjoyed the video for its intended purpose; everyone else just enjoyed watching me ruin my life publicly.)

6.) Wear no makeup for two days.

I dedicated an entire column to this one, so I won’t go into too much depth here – but I do still think about this a lot when I’m running late and am pressed for time. Life is so much easier without makeup.


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